Moment #8 – Lost in The Moment
I remember talking with my dad, and he explained to me that the transition from the street to civility would challenge me. I never believed him, until I was married, with kids, and living in a great home. Things became so structured around time. I mean time runs me like a Swiss clock, on this non-stop, perpetual rhythm to live beyond survival. Is this what I dreamed about? On the other hand, my wife believes I walk around mean. Meaning that everything about my exterior gives off a demeanor of just not giving a damn about no one. I admit it, I’ve lived a hard life, but no more complicated than any other man striving to leave poverty for a piece of civil humanity. Do I miss the nightmare of time I’ve lived my whole life?
My kids are enjoying their rooms, my wife has turned into the boss lady (which is cool), and I’ve been able to chill on another level. So, what the hell is the problem? I’ve been sleeping pretty good, but I’ve also been taking numerous naps throughout the day. I’m losing myself without the drama? What the hell? Is it too peaceful?
I’m never going to question God about the grace and favor He bestows upon me. So this is a trial that I must overcome, and the goal is to overcome the calmness of civility. Great neighbors, super home, reasonable HOA fees. Hell, I’m living good. However, am I subconsciously going through withdrawal from a lack of worry, missing feelings of constant despair, or the constant barrage of nowhere relationships? So many questions, with only one answer. Enjoy your peace, while you have peace.
Oneron 4/2019 written, published 03/05/2020