Understanding the Silence
How do you deal with the silence? I remember when I was single, life was effortless and fast. Life moved so fast and the issues were so few, while fun was at the forefront of my daily plan. Of course I worked, completed my education, attended to my National Guard duties, etc., but the work was minimal and the women were plentiful. My love life was like a banana split, with a variation of flavors and toppings. However, like anything gets old, but not the women (lol).
As I got older, my thinking leaned more to being more settled. One day, I reflected about the quality of the relationships and the women in my life. Surprisingly, it wasn’t that bad. I had a couple that had to go, but for the most part, the women in my life were articulate, classy, intelligent, with just enough street in them to keep things interesting.
One evening, while I waited for my dinner date to arrive, I listened to the sirens outside the restaurant window. For some strange reason, it felt like those sirens were alerting me to an emergency in my life. I could feel my soul screaming for help. It took some time for me to comprehend what my soul was trying to tell me. I had to work through the noise in my life to get to a quieter place, but the silence brought with it a lot of weaknesses.
Slowing Down to Listen
After resolving within myself to slow down on the dating and spend more time sorting through my thoughts, I was able to hear what my soul had to say. The moments of silence were immensely intense, with all kinds of questions looming over me. What kind of life are you living? Where are these relationships taking you? How long will you last living this way? So, a bunch of questions for me to answer about a lifestyle I thought was fine.
Everything was still for awhile, as I started my own dry spell. Yeah – on purpose (lol). Anyway, the Earth seem to move at a snail’s pace, while everything else sped up around me. In the silence I’d found for myself, the noise continued around me. It was like fast forwarding a movie. I could feel the silence, but I could also hear the wind of time whizzing all about me. What was I missing? What opportunities? More importantly, with all the different women, it was only a few I thought about. What were they doing? Who were they doing it with? This got damn silence. This feeling is not cool. I need to get back in the game of life. Needless to say, it would be easy to start again, but what did the silence teach me?
When you pray, when you meditate, your questions get answered, but there are not the answers you expected. In my own way, as I’ve learned as a child in church, when there is trouble in you’re life, you be still and wait for God to move. In my stupor, I hold myself still, struggling to maintain my balance between my flesh and my thoughts.
What are your thoughts?
How many times are we alone because we are asking the wrong questions? Is it about love or is it about not feeling lonely? Most would say it is about love, the loneliness is more of a by product of love being absent. This is something I’ll talk about in the future, as I continue to work on various books, post, and short stories.
Any thoughts? As I start my blog, I’m like most people in that I’m most comfortable talking about what I’m thinking at the time. So, if you’ve had this experience or something similar, leave a comment or drop me an email ron.oneal@therononeal.com.